Four steps to stop being so hard on ourselves.

Illustrations by Michael Woloschinow

By Tara Brach

When I was in college, I went off to the mountains for a weekend of hiking with an older, wiser friend of twenty-two. After setting up our tent, we sat by a stream, watching the water swirl around rocks, talking about our lives. At one point she described how she was learning to be “her own best friend.” A wave of sadness came over me, and I broke down sobbing. I was the furthest thing from my own best friend. I was continually harassed by an inner judge who was merciless, nit-picking, demanding, always on the job. My guiding assumption was, “Something is fundamentally wrong with me,” as I struggled to control and fix what felt like a basically flawed self.

Over the last several decades, through my work with tens of thousands of clients and meditation students, I’ve come to see the pain of perceived deficiency as epidemic. It’s like we’re in a trance that causes us to see ourselves as unworthy. Yet, I have seen in my own life, and with countless others, that we can awaken from this trance through practicing mindfulness and self-compassion. We can come to trust the goodness and purity of our hearts.

In order to flower, self-compassion depends on honest, direct contact with our own vulnerability. Compassion fully blossoms when we actively offer care to ourselves. To help people address feelings of insecurity and unworthiness, I often introduce mindfulness and compassion through a meditation I call the RAIN of Self-Compassion. The acronym RAIN, first coined about 20 years ago by Michele McDonald, is an easy-to-remember tool for practicing mindfulness. It has four steps:

Recognize what is going on;
Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;
Investigate with kindness;
Natural awareness, which comes from not identifying
with the experience.

You can take your time and explore RAIN as a stand-alone meditation or move through the steps in a more abbreviated way whenever challenging feelings arise.

R—Recognize What’s Going On

Recognizing means consciously acknowledging, in any given moment, the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are affecting us. Like awakening from a dream, the first step out of the trance of unworthiness is simply to recognize that we are stuck, subject to painfully constricting beliefs, emotions, and physical sensations. Common signs of the trance include a critical inner voice, feelings of shame or fear, the squeeze of anxiety or the weight of depression in the body.

In order to flower, self-compassion depends on honest, direct contact with our own vulnerability. Compassion fully blossoms when we actively offer care to ourselves.

Different people respond to the sense of unworthiness in different ways. Some might stay busy, trying to prove themselves valuable; others, fearful of failure, may become discouraged or even paralyzed. Still others may resort to addictive behaviors to avoid facing their shame and fear. Any of these strategies can lead to either defensive or aggressive behavior with others, or unhealthy attachment.

Some of us are at war with ourselves for decades, never realizing how our self-judgment and self-aversion keep us from finding genuine intimacy with others or enjoying our lives. One palliative caregiver reports that a key regret of the dying is not having been true to themselves. Rather than listening to and trusting our inner life, most of us try to live according to the expectations of others, which we internalize. When we inevitably fall short of the mark, we condemn ourselves.

Though it may sound depressing or overwhelming, learning to recognize that we are at war with ourselves is quite empowering. One meditation student described the trance of unworthiness as “…the invisible and toxic gas I am always breathing.” As he became increasingly mindful of his incessant self-judgment and feelings of inadequacy, his aspiration to free himself from his painful inner prison grew.

A—Allowing: Taking a Life-Giving Pause

Allowing means letting the thoughts, emotions, feelings, or sensations we have recognized simply be there. Typically when we have an unpleasant experience, we react in one of three ways: by piling on the judgment; by numbing ourselves to our feelings; or by focusing our attention elsewhere. For example, we might have the sinking, shameful feeling of having been too harsh in correcting our child. But rather than allowing that feeling, we might blame our partner for not doing his or her part, worry about something completely different, or decide it’s time for a nap. We’re resisting the rawness and unpleasantness of the feeling by withdrawing from the present moment.

We allow by simply pausing with the intention to relax our resistance and let the experience be just as it is. Allowing our thoughts, emotions, or bodily sensations simply to be doesn’t mean we agree with our conviction that we’re unworthy. Rather, we honestly acknowledge the presence of our judgment, as well as the painful feelings underneath. Many students I work with support their resolve to let it be by silently offering an encouraging word or phrase to themselves. For instance, you might feel the grip of fear and mentally whisper yes in order to acknowledge and accept the reality of your experience in this moment.

Victor Frankel writes, “Between the stimulus and the response there is a space, and in this space lies our power and our freedom.” Allowing creates a space that enables us to see more deeply into our own being, which, in turn, awakens our caring and helps us make wiser choices in life. For one student, the space of allowing gave her more freedom in the face of urges to binge eat. In the past, whenever she felt restless or anxious at night, she’d start thinking of her favorite food—trail mix—then mindlessly consume a half pound of it before going to bed, disgusted with herself. Learning to recognize the cues and taking a pause interrupted the pattern. While pausing, she would allow herself to feel the tension in her body, her racing heart, the craving. Soon, she began to contact a poignant sense of loneliness buried beneath her anxiety. She found that if she could stay with the loneliness and be gentle with herself, the craving passed.

I—Investigating with Kindness

Investigating means calling on our natural curiosity—the desire to know truth—and directing a more focused attention to our present experience. Simply pausing to ask, what is happening inside me?, can initiate recognition, but investigation adds a more active and pointed kind of inquiry. You might ask yourself: What most wants attention? How am I experiencing this in my body? Or What am I believing? What does this feeling want from me? You might notice hollowness or shakiness, then discover a sense of unworthiness and shame masked by those feelings. Unless you bring them into awareness, your unconscious beliefs and emotions will control your experience and perpetuate your identification with a limited, deficient self.

Poet Dorothy Hunt says that we need a “…heartspace where everything that is, is welcome.” Without such an attitude of unconditional care, there isn’t enough safety and openness for real investigation to take place. About ten years ago I entered a period of chronic illness. During one particularly challenging period of pain and fatigue, I became discouraged and unhappy. In my view I was terrible to be around—impatient, self-absorbed, irritable, gloomy. I began working with RAINto recognize these feelings and judgments and to consciously allow the unpleasantness in my body and emotions to just be there. As I began to investigate, I heard an embittered voice: “I hate living like this.” And then a moment later, “I hate myself!” The full toxicity of self-aversion filled me.

Not only was I struggling with illness, I was at war with the self-centered, irritable person I believed I had become. Unknowingly, I had turned on myself and was held captive by the trance of unworthiness. But in that moment of recognizing and allowing the suffering of self-hatred, my heart began to soften with compassion.

Here’s a story that helps to describe the process I went through. Imagine while walking in the woods you see a small dog sitting by a tree. You bend down to pet it and it suddenly lunges at you, teeth bared. Initially you might be frightened and angry. But then you notice one of its legs is caught in a trap, buried under some leaves. Immediately your mood shifts from anger to concern. You see that the dog’s aggression sprang from vulnerability and pain.

This applies to all of us. When we behave in hurtful, reactive ways, it’s because we’re caught in some kind of painful trap. The more we investigate the source of our suffering, the more we cultivate a compassionate heart toward ourselves and others.

When I recognized how my leg was in a trap—sickness compounded with self aversion— my heart filled with sorrow and genuine self-care. The investigating deepened as I gently put my hand over my heart—a gesture of kindness— and invited whatever other feelings were there to surface. A swell of fear (uncertainty for my future) spread through my chest, followed by an upwelling of grief at losing my health. The sense of self-compassion unfurled fully as I mentally whispered, It’s all right, sweetheart, and consciously offered care to the depths of my vulnerability, just as I would to a dear friend.

Compassion arises naturally when we mindfully contact our suffering and respond with care. As you practice the RAIN of Self-Compassion, experiment and see which intentional gesture of kindness most helps to soften or open your heart. Many people find healing by gently placing a hand on the heart or cheek; others, in a whispered message of care, or by envisioning being bathed in warm, radiant light. What matters is that once you have investigated and connected with your suffering, respond by offering care to your own heart. When the intention to awaken self love and compassion is sincere, the smallest gesture—even if, initially, it feels awkward— will serve you well.

N—Natural Loving Awareness

Natural loving awareness occurs when identification with the small self is loosened. This practice of non-identification means that our sense of who we are is not fused with any limiting emotions, sensations, or stories. We begin to intuit and live from the openness and love that express our natural awareness.

Though the first three steps of RAIN require some intentional activity, the N is the treasure: A liberating homecoming to our true nature. There’s nothing to do for this last part of RAIN; we simply rest in natural awareness.

The RAIN of Self-Compassion is not a one-shot meditation, nor is the realization of our natural awareness necessarily full, stable, or enduring. Rather, as you practice you may experience a sense of warmth and openness, a shift in perspective. You can trust this! RAIN is a practice for life—meeting our doubts and fears with a healing presence. Each time you are willing to slow down and recognize, oh, this is the trance of unworthiness… this is fear… this is hurt…this is judgment…, you are poised to de-condition the old habits and limiting self-beliefs that imprison your heart. Gradually, you’ll experience natural loving awareness as the truth of who you are, more than any story you ever told yourself about being “not good enough” or “basically flawed.”

A friend of mine was sitting with her dying mother while she was in a coma. At one point the mother opened her eyes, looked at her daughter with great lucidity, and said “You know, all my life I thought something was wrong with me.” She closed her eyes, sank back into a coma and died shortly thereafter. For my friend, her mother’s words were a parting gift. They inspired her to dedicate herself to the mindfulness and self-compassion that frees us.

We each have the conditioning to live for long stretches of time imprisoned by a sense of deficiency, cut off from realizing our intrinsic intelligence, aliveness, and love. The greatest blessing we can give ourselves is to recognize the pain of this trance, and regularly offer a cleansing rain of self-compassion to our awakening hearts.

 

Article taken from: http://www.mindful.org

After having friends walk away with embarrassment, cars stopping to laugh and van drivers taking pictures of me, my dear friend Katherine sent me this article to support my habit of tree hugging!  ;0)

Science Proves Hugging Trees Is Good for Health

It has now been confirmed by science that hugging trees can beneficially affect human health by altering vibrational frequency.

Hugging a tree may have gained popularity as a maligned hippy practice, but it has now been validated by science to be incredibly beneficial for both people and the planet. Contrary to popular belief, hugging – or even just being in the vicinity of – a tree can boost one’s health in several ways.

In a recently published book by author Matthew Silverstone, Blinded by Science, evidence confirming trees and their healthful benefits includes their effect on mental illnesses, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), concentration levels, reaction times, depression, and the ability to alleviate headaches.

According to countless studies cited within the book, children show extreme psychological and physiological effects in term of improved health and well-being when they interact with plants. It was recorded that children function better cognitively and emotionally in green environments and have more creative play in green areas.

A large public health report studying the association between green spaces and mental health also noted that “access to nature can significantly contribute to our mental capability and well being.”

What is it about nature that can cause significant alleviation of symptoms? Many might think it’s open green spaces that contribute to this effect, but Silverstone shows that it’s more than this theory; instead, he explains how it’s the vibrational properties of trees and plants that offer the health benefits – not just open spaces.

Because everything vibrates, different vibrations undoubtedly affect biological behaviors. According to Natural News, it has been proven that that if one were to drink a glass of water that has been treated with a 10Hz vibration, one’s blood coagulation rates will change immediately upon ingesting the treated water.

Similarly, trees affect human beings (and all other creatures) in the same way. When one touches a tree, its different vibrational pattern will affect various biological behaviors within the body.

Within Blinded by Science, such theory is backed up by hundreds of scientifically validated studies, providing overwhelming proof that tree hugging is not just for hippies, it’s for everyone.

Not only is clutching a giant, sturdy oak therapeutic and free, it could offer a plethora of benefits and save the populace a large amount in healthcare costs.

A similar report documenting the effects of nature and improving health reported that “safe, green spaces may be as effective as prescription drugs in treating some forms of mental illnesses.”

Human beings can only live outside of the laws of nature for so long before symptoms of disconnect be made manifest. With the increasing prevalence of lifestyle-related diseases, it’s clear more attention deserves to be given to holistic practices such as this one, so that the cause of imbalance be alleviated and lifestyle-related illnesses dissipate.

Read More: http://www.trueactivist.com/science-proves-hugging-trees-is-good-for-health/

Grieving is a natural process we all go through when we experience loss. The more significant the loss, the more profoundly the grief is felt! Grieving is usually associated with the death of a loved one, however grief is a natural response to any loss. Experiencing grief in any of the following situations is completely normal and this list is by no means exhaustive:

• Retirement
• Moving home
• Death of a loved one, friend and/or pet
• Significant life changes
• Diagnosis of an illness
• Acts of violence
• Natural disasters
• Change in job
• Loss of independence
• Injury and/or disability

Grieving can be painful and the emotions can be challenging to deal with. Feelings around denial, anger, helplessness, being vulnerable, wanting to regain control (If only I…), depression, sadness, regret and isolation can be emotions felt when grieving but you do not necessarily have to go through each emotion to move on and they are not necessarily experienced in that order. The grieving process takes time and there is no specific time scale in which people heal and move on. Grieving can not be hurried. It can take weeks, months or years. Whatever your experience the most important thing to remember is to allow the process to unfold naturally, be gentle with yourself and seek support, help and guidance when you need it. The strongest of people can need professional support and the smartest know when to ask for it. There is no “right way” to deal with grief and each person will respond differently. However there are “healthier ways” in which to deal with grief, which will support you to move on when you are ready.

Here are my top 10 tips when grieving:

1. Eat properly and take care of yourself.

Grief can put a lot of strain on your mind and body so it is important to feed your body with nourishing foods to help combat the effects of stress. High stress levels can lower your immune system and make you more susceptible to colds, flu and other illnesses. Eat nutrient dense foods, drink plenty of water and get enough sleep. Make sure you keep appointments with healthcare providers.

2. Write down what you are feeling.

Keep a journal about your daily life and life as a whole. Write as much or as little as you like. This is your journal and your life – you are in control. Some people find it helpful to share their written thoughts, others keep them under lock and key. Choose what feels right for you. Write down the emotions you felt through out the day and why you think you felt them. Notice if there are any specific triggers. This also helps to organise your thoughts and make sense of your feelings. It also makes it easier to process and make them seem less overwhelming. Write down a list of what you have been grateful for during your day and in your life – a gratitude list. Re-reading your gratitude list helps you to get through tougher days.

3. Do activities you enjoy.

Finding something you enjoy doing helps occupy your mind and supports you to be present. Any activity will engage your mind and body but creative activities such as painting, drawing, dance, singing, music, cooking and so on, are a great way to express yourself emotionally. When you apply yourself fully, notice how enlivened you feel. Getting energised this way will bring a sense of hope and opportunity to do something you’ve always fancied doing.

4. Be fully open to receive new experiences.

Try saying “yes” to opportunities. This will open you up to new and different experiences. When one door closes another opens. Trust that life does not give you anything you cannot cope with. Try something new. Remember this is a process you are going through that will not last forever – you will get through this.

5. Find groups to share with.

Joining a group that shares the same creative expression can allow you to feel a sense of community and provide opportunity to make friends, discuss feelings and learn from others who have been through a similar experience. Choose a group that is understanding and compassionate to your situation.

6. Get physical.

Start getting physically active. Jog, run, dance, yoga, join a fitness class, walk the dog but try to do something every day. This is about you doing something for you, getting time with your thoughts and getting out of your home. Physical exercise also aids a healthy mind and body and is a great stress, anger and depression buster.

7. Feed your mind positivity.

Try and avoid watching and reading “bad news”. This may seem obvious but watching and reading negative information is not conducive to your healing process. Find positive things to surround yourself with; entertaining programmes, watching an uplifting film or reading a good book. Socialise with friends and family who make you feel good and are supportive. Let them be there for you and forget the people that don’t show up for now; if they are meant to be in your life, they will show up again at some point. People usually fall into two categories with grief. They either distance themselves as they aren’t sure how to help – not because of you, it’s because of their own short comings or they are very supportive indeed.

8. It’s okay not to be okay.

Grieving can be a difficult process. Don’t try and keep up the impression that everything is okay when it isn’t – accept that you are not okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself to experience the emotions you need to go through. Try not to resist them as this will make them seem stronger and prolong feeling them. If you need to cry, cry. If you feel angry, feel angry. Be gentle and be self-compassionate and know that you are not going crazy. Research the grieving process to educate yourself – knowledge is power. Don’t try and figure it out by yourself. The internet is a miraculous free fountain of knowledge so use it to understand what you are experiencing.

9. Have “acceptance” as your goal.

Processing your emotions in writing supports you to move towards acceptance. When you write something down repeatedly, your mind no longer looks for answers to questions you just couldn’t quite figure out. Reaching a point of acceptance can mean many things and you may feel that it is too soon to “accept” what has happened – this is okay. As mentioned earlier; there is no time scale when grieving, so move at your own pace and do what feels right for you. Acceptance will happen when you are ready.

10. The most important point to remember.

You are doing great in your own way – everyone experiences grief differently. What other people think has nothing to do with you. Being self-compassionate determines whether or not you want to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and give life another go. It’s a much easier choice to try and learn from an experience than to judge yourself negatively about the way you’re experiencing it. Be true to yourself. This will bring many more moments of joy and happiness into your life which will encourage you to keep moving forward.

Use the grieving process as an opportunity. An opportunity to be authentic through self compassion and to love yourself. Be your true self. You are strong, capable and beautiful. You will get through this part of your journey and be stronger for it.

By Siȃn Evans    www.holisticink.com

Article from: http://www.holistictherapistmagazine.com

CranioSacral Therapy: When Can It Help

Dee Kassing, BS, MLS, IBCLC
(with special thanks to David Bemis, D.C., who has taught me so much)

In recent years, there have been frequent references to CranioSacral Therapy and other bodywork for infants who are having difficulty breastfeeding. John Upledger, D.O., first discovered the cranial-sacral system with its rhythm unique from other body systems. Although Dr. Upledger was the first to develop CranioSacral Therapy, and many therapists have been trained in his methods, other practitioners have developed variations. Any of the methods might be helpful to a baby. When choosing a therapist, who could be a certified massage therapist, a physical therapist, a chiropractor, etc., be sure to ask how much training and experience in working with infants the therapist has had.

Some chiropractors are also accredited in pediatric chiropractic. This is a different type of bodywork, but can also be very helpful to infants. Adult chiropractic applied to babies would be dangerous, so again it is necessary to ask about the chiropractor’s training and experience.

It is important for the lactation consultant to be able to recognize symptoms in the infant that can show a need for bodywork therapy. Some of the symptoms are very noticeable and others are quite subtle. For some involving motion, the key will be if the symptom appears consistently. Although some symptoms will be obvious while baby is at breast, others will be more noticeable when baby is laid flat on his back on a firm surface such as a changing table. I try to examine baby on a firm surface after he has finished the first breast, but before the second. When baby is very hungry, he will not lay calmly for me to observe his natural position and how he moves. But if I wait until he has finished the second breast, he may be asleep. Furthermore, if he gets impatient and upset with me during the examination, mom can calm him by offering him the second breast. In my attempt to be thorough, I will start at the top of the head, describing things to watch for, and work my way down through the body.

Sometimes, looking at the center of the top of the head, you will be able to notice that one side of the skull is slightly elevated compared to the other side. This can happen in babies who did not experience vacuum extraction, but can be even more prominent if vacuum extraction did occur. Look at baby’s skull and feel carefully (feeling can be particularly important if baby has a lot of hair) for ridges. Notice if the baby’s head appears cone-shaped. During birth, the bones of the skull need to slide over each other so the baby can fit through the birth canal. After birth, the bones are supposed to slide back into their proper position, but sometimes they need gentle help to accomplish this.

Why is this important? Fascia is connective tissue which unites skin to the underlying tissues. Fascia also surrounds and separates many of the muscles, and sometimes holds them together. Ligaments are bands of tissue that bind bones together or support organs. The head is made up of a number of bony plates. Ligaments hold the bones of the head in position. Fascia connects skin to the bones of the head, connects the bones to the dura mater covering the brain and spinal cord, and surrounds other structures in the face and head. The hard palate is formed by two palatal bones, and the soft palate is muscle covered by mucous membrane. Because of connective tissues such as ligaments and fascia, the structure and alignment of the palate are influenced by the alignment of the other skull bones.

If there is misalignment and imbalance of the skull bones, this can affect the function of the palate, tongue, and other structures of the head. This can cause the palate to be too high or uneven, or the facial muscles to be too tight. Imbalance of the structures of the head, as well as trauma from the birth process itself, can cause constant irritation to the nervous system. This constant irritation may also cause hypersensitivity, which can sometimes be the underlying cause for babies who gag and cannot accept anything in the center or back of the mouth.

If baby spent a lot of time during labor banging the top of his head against the cervix, you may see the side bones of the head bulging out over baby’s ears.

You may see the back of baby’s head protruding farther than normal. This may cause the baby to be unable to look forward while lying on a firm surface, such as when he is in his carseat. If baby turns his head easily to both sides, but seems reluctant to look straight ahead, it may be that the shape of his head causes him to flex his neck too much when facing forward. This can sometimes interfere with breathing. The skull protruding improperly may also cause tenderness, so the baby prefers to rest on either side of his head rather than on the back of his head. Baby does not usually lie on the back of his head during breastfeeding, but the fascia and ligaments attached to the protruding bones may be stretched too tight and not allow other structures to work efficiently.

Notice baby’s eyes. Although baby may at times have one eye open wider than the other, this should be transient. If baby consistently has the same eye wider than the other eye, this can indicate an imbalance in the facial muscles.
Baby’s lips should appear soft and relaxed. If baby’s lips are frequently pursed while he is resting or even sleeping, this can indicate that there is too much tension in the facial muscles.

When baby extends his tongue, the tongue should remain round. If the tongue consistently appears very pointy when it is extended, this can also indicate too much tension. If the tongue consistently pulls off to the side when baby extends it, this will make it difficult for baby to correctly trough the tongue during breastfeeding. For babies with more severe problems, the tongue may even be held to the side of the mouth while it is still completely within the oral cavity.

When baby opens his mouth, his jaw should drop straight down towards his navel. If the jaw consistently opens even slightly toward the left or the right, this can make it difficult for baby to maintain a seal around the breast and to milk the breast appropriately during downward strokes of the jaw. Some moms report that baby hurts them more on one breast than the other when the jaw pulls to the side.

Watch how baby is able to move his neck. He should be able to easily turn his head completely to each side, so that the cheek is flat on the firm surface and the ear disappears, while his body stays straight. If he cannot turn his head completely to the side, this can indicate that something in his neck is uncomfortable. If he can only turn his head to the side while his body “corkscrews” in the opposite direction, there may be a vertebra that twisted and is riding on a nerve.

Likewise, if baby prefers to consistently turn his head to one side, and rarely turns it in the opposite direction, this can again indicate that something in his neck is not moving freely. Babies who can only turn their head in one direction frequently cause a lot of pain and/or trauma to one nipple.

While baby is turning his head, watch where his chin ends up. Some babies must lift their chin so their head tips back when they turn in one direction, but their chin runs into their shoulder when they turn in the other direction. This indicates an imbalance that needs to be relieved.

While the baby is resting on his back looking at you, notice his shoulders. They should appear level. One shoulder should not consistently be higher than the other.

While baby is lying on his back, he should be able to lie with his torso in a straight line. Some babies look like a crescent moon. If baby is “curved” and you gently straighten him out, but he springs right back into that crescent moon pose as soon as you let go of him, he needs some attention from an appropriate practitioner. Baby’s hips and shoulders should appear level most of the time while he is resting.If you are working with a baby who is having trouble breastfeeding, and you see any of these postural symptoms, suggest to the mother that she consider taking her baby to a CranioSacral therapist or pediatric chiropractor.

Article from:  http://www.breastfeedingonline.com

bullseyeForm

Use the Bull’s eye form to practice clarifying values, estimate the extent to which you are living consistent with your values.

Open the form by clicking on the link above, then save the form to your own computer. Follow the instructions on the form to fill in your copy with your discoveries about your own values and how well you are living those values.

Taken from: courses.edx.org

Going out in public without a hijab can get you 70 lashes and 60 days in prison, but these women are taking the risk

In some ways, the social police in Iran have become less suffocating in recent decades. Unmarried men and women now date, and sometimes even live together. Meanwhile, Facebook may be illegal, but the government generally ignores the 4 million Iranians who use it regularly.

But one area where the government has been unyielding is with the dress code for women. They are required to dress “modestly,” which includes always wearing a veil. If they remove their veils in public, they can receive 70 lashes or 60 days in prison.

Now some Iranian women are challenging that rule in a particularly in-your-face way. They have taken to Facebook to post photos of themselves veil-less. Instead of wearing the veils, they’re wrapping them around their necks, holding them up or flying them like ceremonial flags. The veils are everywhere except where the government says they’re supposed to be—on women’s heads, covering their hair.

This is the photo which started it all, one woman who threw off her headdress and invited others to join her.

FACEBOOK/ MASIH ALINEJAD

A Facebook post earlier this month from liberal Iranian journalist Masih Alinejad sparked the movement, which has grown under the hashtag#آزادی‌یواشکی (translation: #stealthfreedom). It has spawned a Facebook page of its own, which gathered over 30,000 likes in its first five days.

FACEBOOK/آزادی های یواشکی زنان در

The movement’s creator, Alinejad, lives in exile in the United Kingdom, where she works for OnTen, a satirical news show that’s broadcast into Iran by Voice of America’s Persian Service. “I just asked women to send selfies of their private moments of freedom,” she says. “When I was in Iran, I would take my head scarf off when I was out in a field or some place private, and I wondered how many Iranian women [did the same]. Apparently a lot.”

FACEBOOK/آزادی های یواشکی زنان در

Many of these women have added poignant commentary. ”I always take off the hijab whenever I can because it was never my choice to put it on,” says one Facebook user who also posted a photo.

FACEBOOK/آزادی های یواشکی زنان در

Another recounts a run-in with the moral police, the Basij: “My mother hadn’t worn the veil until the early 1980s when she was threatened by a member of Basij. He aimed a rifle at her. …My grandfather suggests that we shouldn’t sit in front of him with veil on. It depresses him. …My generation has not been able to enjoy life, and I’ve been asked, ‘Aren’t you bored?’”

FACEBOOK/آزادی های یواشکی زنان در

This isn’t the first time Iranian women have protested the veil in public or on social media, but it’s the most direct challenge yet. Women have been subtly defying the veil mandate since former Iranian President Mohammad Khatami came to power 1997 by draping the veil loosely over their buns and exposing the hair near their faces.

Since then, the loose veil has become the standard among young, liberal Iranian women. Even Iranian designers dress their models in this fashion, like in this photo:

FACEBOOK/ANARGOL

Since sparking the movement, Alinejad has faced criticism and pressure from the Iranian right. Conservatives even launched a pro-veil protest on Wednesday. She says she has been “attacked by hardline conservative news agencies inside Iran” and that government-affiliated Fars News has called her “anti-revolutionary.”

She also says she hasn’t received any political backing from the left: “No political figure inside Iran has called for any reform of the hijab laws. Ironically, Iranian women have overwhelmingly voted for the most liberal candidates who promise less restrictions, but in reality the restrictions are rarely eased.”

 Article taken from:  http://www.vocativ.com

Watching you playing I see aspects of this wonderful and deep healing art.

Thank you!

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Real life is the game that – literally – everyone is playing. But it can be tough. This is your guide.

Basics

You might not realise, but real life is a game of strategy. There are some fun mini-games – like dancing, driving, running, and sex – but the key to winning is simply managing your resources.

Most importantly, successful players put their time into the right things. Later in the game money comes into play, but your top priority should always be mastering where your time goes.

Childhood

Life begins when you’re assigned a random character and circumstances:

The first 15 years or so of life are just tutorial missions, which suck. There’s no way to skip these.

Young adult stage

As a young player, you’ll have lots of time and energy, but almost no experience. You’ll find most things – like the best jobs, possessions and partners – are locked until you get some.

This is the time to level up your skills quickly. You will never have so much time and energy again.

Now that you’re playing properly, your top priority is to assign your time as well as possible. Every single thing you do affects your state and your skills:

This may sound simple, but the problem is you won’t always know what tasks to choose, and your body won’t always obey your commands. Let’s break it down.

How to obey your own commands

Many players find that when they choose to do something – say “go to the gym” – their body ignores them completely.

This is not a bug. Everybody has a state, which you can’t see directly, but looks something like this:

If your state gets too low in one area, your body will disobey your own instructions until your needs are met. Try studying when you’re exhausted and hungry, and watch your concentration switch to Twitter.

Your willpower level is especially important. Willpower fades throughout the day, and is replenished slightly by eating, and completely by a good night’s sleep. When your willpower is low, you are only able to do things you really want to.

Every decision you have to make costs willpower, and decisions where you have to suppress an appealing option for a less appealing one (e.g. exercise instead of watch TV) require a lot of willpower.

There are various tricks to keep your behaviour in line:

1. Keep your state high. If you’re hungry, exhausted, or utterly deprived of fun, your willpower will collapse. Ensure you take consistently good care of yourself.
2. Don’t demand too much willpower from one day. Spread your most demanding tasks over multiple days, and mix them in with less demanding ones.
3. Attempt the most important tasks first. This makes other tasks more difficult, but makes your top task more likely.
4. Reduce the need to use willpower by reducing choices. If you’re trying to work on a computer that can access Facebook, you’ll need more willpower because you’re constantly choosing the hard task over the easy one. Eliminate such distractions.

A key part of playing the game is balancing your competing priorities with the state of your body. Just don’t leave yourself on autopilot, or you’ll never get anything done.

Choosing the right tasks

Choosing the right tasks at the right time is most of the game. Some tasks mostly affect your state, e.g.

Others mostly affect your skills:

You need to put time into things that ensure a healthy state – like food and sleep – to keep your willpower high. And then you need to develop your skills with what you have left.

Some skills are more valuable than others. Good ones can open up whole paths like a tech tree:

Others are dead ends:

Combinations of skills are the most effective. It’s very hard to max out one skill to be the best – in fact, that’s often impossible. But it’s much easier to get pretty decent at lots of related skills that amount to something bigger, e.g.

See how psychology just helped you become both rich and attractive? You should study that.

Where you live

Your environment has a constant impact on your stats, skills, and your chances of levelling up.

It’s possible to play the game well almost anywhere, but it’s a lot easier in certain places. If you’re female and in the wrong country, for example, you can’t unlock many achievements.

The odds of anyone being born in their optimal location are virtually zero, so research your options, and consider moving early. Location is a multiplier to all of your skills and states.

Finding a partner

Attraction is a complex mini-game in itself, but mostly a byproduct of how you’re already playing. If you have excellent state and high skills, you’re far more attractive already. A tired, irritable, unskilled player is not appealing, and probably shouldn’t be looking for a relationship.

Early in the game it can be common to reject and be rejected by other players. This is normal, but unfortunately it can drain your state, as most players don’t handle rejection or rejecting well. You’ll need to expend willpower to keep going, and willpower is replenished by sleep, so give it time.

80% of finding someone comes down to being your most attractive self, which – like so much in life – just means putting your time in the right places. If you’re exercising, socialising, well nourished and growing in your career, you will radiate attraction automatically. The remaining 20% is simply putting yourself in places where you can meet the right people.

Money money money

Later in the game you’ll have to manage a new resource called ‘money’. Most players will find money increases throughout the early game, but that this actually introduces more problems, not less.

The most important rule of money is never to borrow it, except for things that earn you more back. For example, education or a mortgage can be worthwhile (but are not necessarily so, depending on the education or the mortgage). Borrowing to buy new shoes is not.

Depending on your financial ambitions, here are a few strategies to bear in mind:

1. Not fussed about money. The low-stress strategy: simply live within your means and save a little for a rainy day. Be sure to make the best of all the time you save though, or you’ll regret it.
2. Well off. Choose a career and environment carefully, and be prepared to move often to move up. You’ll need to invest heavily in matching skills, which will cost you time, and be careful not to abuse your state or you’ll burn out.
3. Mega rich. Start your own business. It’s almost impossible to get rich working for someone else. Riches do not come from work alone, they come from  owning things – assets – that pay back more than they cost, and your own company is a powerful asset you can create from scratch. Compound your winnings into more assets, and eventually they can remove your need to work at all.

Later life

Your options change as the game progresses. Marriage and children will reduce your time and energy, and introduce more random elements into the game (“Emergency diaper change!”). This makes it harder to develop yourself as quickly.

Older characters usually have more skills, resources and experience, unlocking quests that were previously impossible, like “owning a house”, or “writing a (good) novel”.

All players die after about 29,000 days, or 80 years. If your stats and skills are good, you might last a little longer. There is no cheat code to extend this.

At the start of the game, you had no control over who you were or your environment. By the end of the game that becomes true again. Your past decisions drastically shape where you end up, and if you’re happy, healthy, fulfilled – or not – in your final days there’s far less you can do about it.

That’s why your strategy is important. Because by the time most of us have figured life out, we’ve used up too much of the best parts.

Now you’d best get playing.

Article from:  http://oliveremberton.com